


Slytherin to your Chamber of Secrets

by dutchmoxie



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, F/M, Fluff, Harry Potter references galore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 18:22:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10599585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dutchmoxie/pseuds/dutchmoxie
Summary: Five times Nathaniel was a gigantic Harry Potter nerd in front of Rebecca





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm dragging you all into the trash with me. Sorry not sorry

#1

How did she not realize before? Ever since the elevator, it had become so obvious to her. 

And she wasn’t talking about him being hot - that was definitely a before the elevator thing. 

She was talking about the myriad of Harry Potter related things she had discovered around and about her boss. And she hadn’t even been spying on him that much. Okay, not much for her was still a lot more than most people, but still. She hadn’t even followed him home - much. 

* * *

 

Yeah, she’d been a little bored since the engagement... since it ended. 

Dr. Akopian thought she’d been channeling her energy into something healthy. And it was healthy. For her. She was trying to draw out Nathaniel Plimpton’s humanity from underneath his robotic exterior. It was good for the firm, and it had nothing to do with her personal interest. 

Nothing at all. 

Which was what she’d tell Paula if she wasn’t so busy reconciling with Scott - which was super important, she understood that. She just missed the days when Paula was readily available to listen to all her issues. 

Heather wasn’t nearly as good of a listener. 

Wait, what was she thinking about? Right, Nathaniel Plimpton’s scarf. They were on their way to New York (damn Audra Levine), and since fall had made its approach everywhere but in California, warm clothes were necessary. 

But a green and silver-grey striped scarf? Obvious. To her, anyway. None of the other Muggles on their flight had made the connection. 

“Still evil,” she told him, with a pointed look. 

“Cunning and ambitious,” he corrected, before turning back to his files. 

She totally got points for noticing. She knew she did. 

* * *

 

#2

The office Halloween party was traditionally raucous - Darryl just really loved dressing up, and now that he and WhiJo could wear a nauseatingly cute couple’s costume, he was even more excited. 

The boss, however? Not so much. 

The party had to be held on a Friday, after working hours, because God forbid his employees were anything other than robot lawyers. 

And maybe her Hermione Granger costume wouldn’t exactly pass muster - McGonagall would surely give her detention for the amount of buttons she’d opened on her slightly too small blouse - she had the advantage of completely flustering Nathaniel. 

It wasn’t the entire reason why she chose the costume - but she could admit to herself that it was a part of the reason. A tiny small part that she was denying the second after admitting it. 

Because she could relate to Hermione. She was not the gorgeous one - she was the awkward one with the brains that most people didn’t know how to relate to. 

But Rebecca was a different person - she knew now that she could never be happy with Ron. 

The epilogue was bullshit anyway. She’s argued that point to everyone who would listen. No one ever seemed to agree. 

“Albus Severus?” she muttered angrily to herself as she went to grab herself another drink. “Now that’s worse than a Cruciatus.” 

There was a chuckle behind her, and she didn’t even have to turn around to know who was there. She knew that voice - had dreamt about that voice more than once, even after the damn wind went back to wherever it was supposed to be. 

“When a Weasley is better at naming children,” he started, and she knew this was going to be good. 

“You know Hermione picked the names,” she immediately interrupted. “Ron’s middle name is Bilius!” 

When Paula found her half an hour later, she was still extolling the ridiculousness of naming children after constellations. Seriously, _Scorpius_? 

Of course Nathaniel would defend the Slytherins on this. He was just so typical that she refused to tell him that she wrote Rose/Scorpius fanfic once upon a time. Someone had to fix canon. 

* * *

 

#3

They’d gotten more comfortable with each other since the Halloween... incident? What should she call a thirty minute conversation about wizarding naming conventions? 

Super unprofessional, probably. 

Now that she was completely free - except for her elaborate schemes to completely ruin Josh Chan’s life - Nathaniel was more overt about his interest. 

Obviously he still needed to get her out of his system. 

Which was completely fine with her, because she was in desperate need of some no strings loving. Just because she was busy making her ex-fiance’s life a living hell, didn’t mean that she couldn’t get off. 

A warm body was more to her tastes than something running on batteries, at least at this moment. 

_She don’t need no man._

Nathaniel was just super convenient, which was why she just rang his doorbell on a Sunday afternoon. 

It was the time he was most likely to be home alone - not with a random other girl. She wasn’t asking for a threesome here. 

“Rebecca?”’ he seemed startled when he opened the door. 

Nathaniel Plimpton, not in a suit for once. He wasn’t even wearing a shirt, just pants that were either pajama pants or for another one of his work-outs. He did seem to be a little bit sweaty. 

She was really trying to focus on the fact that he knows her name now, but he was also kind of ridiculously _fine_ without a shirt. 

“Going to bed?” she was prepared for the occasion. “Mind if I Slytherin?” 

He groaned and let her walk right into his apartment. 

“Why does that work for me?” he asked himself. 

“Because you’re not a Muggle,” she kicked the door closed with her foot after kicking off her heels. 

In the heat of the moment, she might even have forgotten about her epic plans for revenge for just a second. 

But by the time she did her Walk of No Shame that evening, she was back in planning mode. Of course she was. 

 

#4

Nathaniel started being nicer to her after she slept with him. 

She could ignore it for a little while, but it didn’t last very long - it was just so boring. If she wanted to be around someone who was nice to her she would just sleep with Trent again. It wasn’t like he hadn’t offered - so many times. 

But she figured that Nathaniel would just go back to normal after he got her out of his system. She got him out of her system. 

Mostly, anyway. She wouldn’t be opposed to a repeat, but she was not exactly writing Mrs. Rebecca Plimpton in her journals either. Or Plimpton-Bunch. Hyphenating just sounded super classy. 

Wow, the random places her mind took her - maybe she should try talking to Dr. Akopian about that. 

After she finished with Josh Chan. 

“Rebecca?” Nathaniel actually asked instead of demanding these days. 

People were noticing - he was being nicer to everyone in the office, and she was just not sure if it was genuine. This was Nathaniel Plimpton, he didn’t have a nice bone in his body.

Okay well, he did have one particularly nice, large... 

Maybe they could just bone again, and he would go back to being an asshole and she would be able to focus on her plans without getting distracted by her libido again. 

But him being nice... It stopped doing anything for her after the wedding that didn’t happen. 

“Take off your clothes,” she told him. 

“I must have drunk some Felix Felicis,” he muttered, teasing smile on his face. “Because I’m about to get lucky.” 

Really, why was it that every single time he made a stupid reference she got more than a little gooey? 

Not something she wanted to think about, so she pulled him along by his loosened tie. 

 

#5

Fortunately, Nathaniel seemed to figure out that his temporary lapse into kindness didn’t do a damn thing for her. 

By the next time they slept together, he was back to being himself - rude comments at work when she had to take the stairs and got winded after half a floor, bossing everyone around because he was the boss of them, the whole deal. 

She almost forgot that Nathaniel being himself also included him being a giant freaking nerd. 

Office Secret Santa was a Darryl thing, and Nathaniel was forced to continue the tradition because of something he’d promised his work partner during his nice streak. 

Of course Nathaniel “randomly” picked her name from the metaphorical hat - judging from the gorgeous Time Turner necklace she wore around her neck all the time now. 

“For when you’re late to work” the note had said. 

Because even when he gave her a totally charming gift, he still had to be a dick and remind her that she was late to work too often. 

The real N. Plimpton was back! 

Sure, he was somehow still interested in sleeping with her, but that she did not mind so much. 

It was nice to have occasional moments of pillow talk about how the damn Time Travel play had been better when Team Starkid did it, and to hear him humming the Mysterious Ticking Noise in his shower. 

She was only slightly crazy into him, and he didn’t get overly nice so she’d sleep with him, not anymore. Sleeping together became a routine that she didn’t want to change. 

And why would they, really? They were both single, attractive, intelligent people with a love for the magical world created by JK Rowling. She’d slept with worse - a lot worse. 

She still got the goosebumps sometimes - especially when they were all alone in the office after hours and... well, letters to Penthouse had nothing on that. 

There was some role play - the Slytherin-Ravenclaw Restricted Section Hook-up was her favorite, while Nathaniel favored more Quidditch related scenarios. That was probably related to all the phallic objects and the opportunities for some truly awful jokes. 

Somehow, he was still hot even when he cracked jokes about polishing his broom. 

“What the devil is going on here?” It was like he knew that she’d been thinking about him. 

“Your Snape voice is actually getting better,” she tried really hard not to sound too surprised about that. “The Malfoy impression is still better, though.” 

He just had the snootiness down pat. And she’d been really into Draco Malfoy back in the day - and a little bit still. 

“You just like seeing me rolling around on the floor,” Nathaniel smirked. 

She shrugged - rolling around on the floor with him was pretty good, yes. 

“Are you ready to go?” he had his suitcase with him. “I promised to prove I don’t need Accio to make you come.” 

Her stuff was easily gathered, and she rushed off so eagerly that she forgot to even look at the clock. 

It was 4:43 PM on a Friday. He was wearing his Slytherin tie, she wore her Ravenclaw blue with pride. 

All was well. 


End file.
